


You Can Go Home Again

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-08
Updated: 2010-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-09 09:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Grandpa Jim always told me you loved my Dad too much.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can Go Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> Major character death, off-screen. Allusions to suicide.  
> Authors Note I: Written for chronometric's weekly challenge, to write about a journey.

The video transmission arrives fourteen hours too late.

_'Hi Mom.'_, he says when she hits the play button. He attempts a smile but it falters before it can form fully, just a gentle tug at the corner of his mouth.

_'Um, I've been awake all night, trying to think of a way to say what I'm about to say but nothing sounded right. So, um, I guess I'm just gonna wing it. I've been told I'm pretty good at that.'_

He looks tired and worn, older than his twenty-seven years. Like whatever he's got to say has been weighing heavy on him and, casting a glance over her shoulder to the open bedroom door, she taps the volume down on the console with trembling fingers.

_'Grandpa Jim always told me you loved my Dad too much. When I, uh, whenever I pissed off at you he used to tell me that Dad came along and --'_

His admission doesn't sting because she's heard it before but that squint -- like he's trying hard to remember her father's words so he gets them exactly right -- that _squint_ is so familiar it makes her ache.

_'-- filled your heart right up and that's why you were the way you were. I think he was trying to make me feel better, Mom, but it didn't. Because it meant there wasn't ever enough room for me in there and never would be. I thought you were so weak;_ choosing_ to let someone else consume so much of you that losing them wrecked you like that.'_

He swipes angrily at the tears dampening his cheeks. She doesn't even notice the ones trailing down hers.

_'Xenopolycythemia. It's a genetic blood disorder that you don't know you have until it decides your time is up. Once the symptoms show up, you're dead within a year. An old friend did some research for me and found a drug but I guess this particular strain is resistant.'_

She should have known. She should have known it the second he showed up on her doorstep the night before, haggard, silent and soaked to the--

_'Bones had it for two_ fucking_ months before he told me. The asshole said he didn't want me to have to go through what he went through when his dad was sick. That he didn't want me worrying about him every second of every day until the end. Like he'd be able to hide it until I woke up one day and found him next to me in bed or on the bathroom floor and somehow that would hurt less than if—he didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye, Mom.'_

He takes a wavering breath, while the one she's holding burns in her chest, dropping his head into his hands, the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes. It's only then she notices the hypospray on the desk in front of him.

_'I realize now how damned strong you really were, just for_ living_, because I'm sitting here and I miss him and it hurts_ so_ much that I can't imagine one more second without him and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see that. I'm sorry I didn't understand. I love you, Mom.'_

The screen goes black and she sits in the silence, just breathing, before getting to her feet. She always needed a moment to pull herself together. Some took seconds. Some of them took years but she always got there in the end.

She knows Jim will, too.

***~*~*~**


End file.
